pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
