Can i not drive my cunt home
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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