Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
