I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
