is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
