I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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