I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
