im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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