I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Success! We fucked roommates!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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