so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're like the curious george of whores
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
