Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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