dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
