We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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