If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
