You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
