Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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