my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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