Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
