I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
