Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
