So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
