She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
