Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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