I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
