She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
