He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bring money and cleavage
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
