I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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