I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
