ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
