Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
