shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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