it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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