I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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