I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
