Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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