And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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