Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
