After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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