I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
