You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
