Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
