He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sext me about skeletons
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
