I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
