what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
