U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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