Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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