we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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