I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
