Farmville is her only friend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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