billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
