My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
